When looking from afar
This Bilbo seems a placid chap,
He's lying by the fireplace
To take a little nap.
But don't be fooled by his demeanour
Or you might just find,
That as you enter through the gate,
He's biting your behind.

Bilbo, Bilbo,
The greater spotted Bilbo,
No camouflage can stop his charge
When venturing where you go.
You have to watch your legs and toes
Or 'fore you even see,
He's sunk his teeth so far beneath
The skin below your knee.

If you're in a quiet
Spot you had better look for signs.
'Cause never underestimate
The speed of this canine.
If there are chewed-up flowers and a
Gnarled old training shoe,
Be sure that in no time at all
He's coming after you.

Bilbo, Bilbo,
The greater spotted Bilbo,
No camouflage can stop his charge
When venturing where you go.
You have to watch your outstretched arm
Or 'fore you even know,
His clamping jaw's begun to gnaw
You up to your elbow.

Now take this as a warning,
All you tender little folk.
When you see him in the awning
And you want to give a stroke.
His wagging tail and nodding head
Are simply a disguise,
For behind that soft exterior
Is a snapping, sharp surprise.